A little context into what brought me here, what I thought the experience would be and what it actually has been so far.
I started this Journey back in 2018 but unfortunately at the same time my physical health was deteriorating fast, with little knowledge as to why or what was wrong with me. I ended up having to take a year out and was eventually diagnosed with ME/CFS. An extremely debilitating chronic illness which resulted in me flitting between my bed and a wheelchair for most of that year.
Over the course of that year I did so much research into ME that I was able to rehabilitate myself back into a different kind of normality. No more boozy nights, which actually I don't miss at all, putting me first because my energy levels have limits. This often entails letting people down regularly due to flare ups; which used to riddle me with guilt. I am proud to say I no longer feel those intense feelings anymore but I'll explain more about that later.
So in 2019 I was able to begin my journey into becoming a therapist. Wow! I am not entirely sure what I was expecting it to look like but nothing in the world could have prepared me for the reality of the experience.
This intense part of the course will altogether be two years of self work. Yep, thats right, you heard me... two years of SELF WORK! I mean I knew after I'd finished I probably wouldn't be as reactive as what I've always been in my life but never to the extent that I am so content and at peace with my authentic self that I have no shame in putting my needs first in almost every aspect of my life; apart from when it comes to my kids of course.
I am able to implement boundaries within my relationships to suit my needs, something I have never done before and again I have no shame or guilt for doing this.
The first year we learnt about Carl Rodgers and his theories about 'self', about relationships and about the impact of early trauma and how this shapes our ‘way of being‘ right into adulthood. If we never look at it, then that would be our 'way of being' all our lives.
Now I know everyone's process is different but my 'way of being' prior to this work was pretty much a raging ball of angry energy, constantly on high alert.
I lashed out at people who upset me, took things very personally and was quite literally unable to reason and regulate my own emotions (this is not a new me but a new process of continued self development).
Imagine carrying all that anger around for that amount of time... I am 32 now, so that's many years of anger inside me - no wonder my health deteriorated, my body gave up on me because I didn't listen to It.
So throughout these blogs I will write a mixture of my learnings about theory into the human psyche and the impact this has on our physical health, alongside my personal development, thoughts and feelings thus far.